@ Sapience

[Thane9]

The "Special Lives of Cats" constant invalidates this 8 out of 9 times. Thus, while your spacecraft may have some dead weight from the fact that .11111111111111111% of your cats become deceased from very sudden acceleration ("deceleration" is an illusion) shortly after being introduced to the system, the remaining cats are saved.

This is in fact true...but the potential destruction of any travelling device ~11% of the time is both costly and dangerous.

As for deceleration, yes, I was just using it in the colloquial sense, since the typical layman wouldn't have the correct mental image if I used acceleration in that sentence.

I should mention that there is a disagreement on the whole theory anyway... The following was found on the 'net...

<snip>

I think this author clearly has an overblown opinion of felines. I would suggest an immediate assessment and perhaps confinement for his/her own safety.

[gangsta77]

Wait but... I never got the answer, Is sOON<Soon but Soon<sOON...

[PoetnSage]

If one could drop the cat far enough it would become evident that a mobius strip would enter the equation. As for now the landing on paws or back is only determined by how SOOn it lands. Substitue jam for butter and repeat.

[Schirf]

This is in fact true...but the potential destruction of any travelling device ~11% of the time is both costly and dangerous.

The travelling device isn't destroyed; if you're using randomly acquired cats then 1 in 9 cats don't make the transition from standard feline to anti-gravity generator. Those are then collected from the bottom of the hull to be used in creating new strapping devices. Of course, the organization responsible for the Protection of Extra-Terrestrial Antigravity technology is attempting to thwart our scientists, which is clearly the ethical thing to do, but are they working with aliens?

Someone's at the door...

[Nepenthea]

Ah yes, perpetual motion, the Buttered Cat Paradox and the subsequent Buttered Toast/Cat Array...

Toast always lands buttered-side down, and a cat always lands feet first. I propose we strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches from the ground. With a giant buttered-toast/cat array, a hovering monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.
-John Frazee (Journal of Irreproducible Results)

[gangsta77]

The travelling device isn't destroyed; if you're using randomly acquired cats then 1 in 9 cats don't make the transition from standard feline to anti-gravity generator. Those are then collected from the bottom of the hull to be used in creating new strapping devices. Of course, the organization responsible for the Protection of Extra-Terrestrial Antigravity technology is attempting to thwart our scientists, which is clearly the ethical thing to do, but are they working with aliens?

Someone's at the door...

You forgot to include the power grid for the anti-grav gen, It has a cap out due to the tiredness of hamsters.

Unless you use the cats for power, but PITA might shut you down.

[KualaBangoDango]

Ummm, haven't we missed an important equation in our "SOON" calculations? Something like...oh...the speed of light in relation to the person saying "soon" and the person reading "soon"?

My understanding is that time actually passes differently to different people depending on their their traveling speed compared to each other.

Sapience, if posting to the forums from a plane, is traveling slightly closer to the speed of light than the reader of the forums on the ground is, and thus will reach the same "soon" at a slightly different time.

To put it another way, if Sapience said "soon" while traveling in a spaceship at the speed of light, he might reach "soon" just a couple weeks later, but to the observer on Earth thousands and thousands of years would have gone by. The reader of "soon" would long ago have returned to the dust and it would be the great-great-great-GREAT-GREAT grand-kids of the reader who would reap the in-game benefits brought about by the few weeks (in Sapience's eyes) worth of work.

[Serin36]

The trick is to butter the toast FIRST, then simply strap it to the cat.

[Yaaraer]

Actually if the cat in the box is a Calico, then Soon always means 'right now' because Calicos don't like waiting. Ever.

[Ceejay90]

Supplemental:

What is the effect of quartering the buttered toast and duct taping it to each foot of the cat butter side up. Has anyone conducted any experiments with this?

[Thane9]

Supplemental:

What is the effect of quartering the buttered toast and duct taping it to each foot of the cat butter side up. Has anyone conducted any experiments with this?

Then you've rendered the buttered toast inert. Once covered in cat hair and cat foot goo the toast no longer reliably lands butter side down.

Only buttered toast which upon landing butter side down would be redered "gross" displays this predictable landing property.

If the buttered toast is already ruined in some manner the buttered toast no longer yields a viable predictable result. In essense it's no longer "buttered toast" it's just toasted bread with butter on it, among other things.

[Thane9]

Ummm, haven't we missed an important equation in our "SOON" calculations? Something like...oh...the speed of light in relation to the person saying "soon" and the person reading "soon"?

My understanding is that time actually passes differently to different people depending on their their traveling speed compared to each other.

Sapience, if posting to the forums from a plane, is traveling slightly closer to the speed of light than the reader of the forums on the ground is, and thus will reach the same "soon" at a slightly different time.

To put it another way, if Sapience said "soon" while traveling in a spaceship at the speed of light, he might reach "soon" just a couple weeks later, but to the observer on Earth thousands and thousands of years would have gone by. The reader of "soon" would long ago have returned to the dust and it would be the great-great-great-GREAT-GREAT grand-kids of the reader who would reap the in-game benefits brought about by the few weeks (in Sapience's eyes) worth of work.

This is a great point. Sapience could for all we know be moving very near the speed of light. In which case our expectations for any sort of timely delivery are all screwed.

[GV-Tanith]

The trick is to butter the toast FIRST, then simply strap it to the cat.

I can guarantee you that if Sapience (or anybody else) tried strapping anything to a cat, lightspeed would be achieved one way...or another.

[Aquamarine518]

You guys appear to know everything about "soon," what about a Solice "soon?"

[Yaaraer]

"Remember crossing over into existing time lines is expressly forbidden,...except for cheap tricks" - David Tennant - Dr Who - Episode: Smith and Jones