Female player leaving game

[HRHoftheWraithRiders]

Congratulations to those folks that bullied me off the game.

I wish that the in-game moderators were as strict as the Forum Mods. However, that is not the case.

I would never let a child or a female that was young, play this game.

I have a lifetime account and to be run off the game, to be an adult and absolutely bullied and humiliated is beyond the pale. If and when Turbine corrects this I may return. In the mean time I can no longer subject myself to such harassment.

Have a great day in Middle Earth, if you can.

All the best.

Feant

[shann81]

Bullied, humiliated.. What happened? I've never seen bully in Lotro. For the sake of other players you should report such behavior..

[Jarnos]

Sorry to hear this.

Do you know you can report people in game for harrassment etc.
It would be a shame to miss out on lotro because of some jerks.


I feel my server withywindle is very female friendly. My kin also has a large amount of women.
You could always try a new server.

Best of luck.

[Laire]

It is widely known on Elendilmir that I'm female- I've been playing there for a long time. I've never had any issues so bad that they'd want me to quit. Indeed, many of the male friends I became friends with would probably beat down anyone who harassed me.

Did you actually report the offenders? Or even try /ignore them?

[Jessy82]

Yeah, sounds like a unique situation for you... I've come across the occasional guy who doesn't know how to interact with a woman, but generally people are pretty cool.

You ought to just switch servers, get a fresh start. See if the GMs will switch you for free, considering its an issue with harassment, otherwise it might be worth paying for.

[KrisDW]

Come on guys, we have no reason to believe she is lying.

Don't let yourself be driven away by some fools.
Character transfer to another server sounds like a good idea. And of course, reporting those responsible for this harrassment.

Be strong. In any case, the victim of a bully is always two steps above the bully. This isn't scientific research, just a guy's personal opinion. Hope it helps.

[Nymphonic]

Ah, got it.

An hysterical woman who won't shut up.

I don't think you could have proved her point better if you tried.

And I sympathize with the OP. Welcome to MMO gaming. It's a well known fact misogynists and homophobes are over-represented in the player base (Lotro included). Just google Jennifer Hepler to see the sort of vileness that can emanate from the nether reaches.

No. I've been here since launch day with several female players that still play and I have not once heard from them about any problems like this.

If she really does have an issue, and I'm not saying she isn't, there are ways to deal with this. She can contact a forum mod to get the ball rolling or call Turbine on the phone to get options. There are records of player's chats. There is also the /ignore option. I had to use it last month in game because someone kept cursing at me. There are ways.

If she would provide more information we here in the forums could help. I've been bullied here in game and I know from personal experience that there are ways. I really would hate to see here throw away a lifetime membership.

[Fledermaus]

No. I've been here since launch day with several female players that still play and I have not once heard from them about any problems like this.

If she really does have an issue, and I'm not saying she isn't, there are ways to deal with this. She can contact a forum mod to get the ball rolling or call Turbine on the phone to get options. There are records of player's chats. There is also the /ignore option. I had to use it last month in game because someone kept cursing at me. There are ways.

If she would provide more information we here in the forums could help. I've been bullied here in game and I know from personal experience that there are ways. I really would hate to see here throw away a lifetime membership.

Calling female toons "bitches" is fairly routine to some players in the Moors, as is using the 4 letter r-word for sexual assault (blocked by filter) to describe defeating someone.

Homophobic slurs I've encountered were generally those of using sexual orientation as an insult. The common one is using "gay" to mean shoddy, though I've also heard it inferred that certain players must be gay because they played poorly.

Other games are, of course, far worse than Lotro. And is the case in all games, PvP here is worse than PvE. But Lotro is part of the larger gaming culture, which means you will encounter misogyny and homophobia in larger doses than you would in non-gaming leisure activities.

The only solution really is to play single-player games, or stick to your kin.

[Nymphonic]

I just spent some time reading her post history and it's mostly upbeat and cheerful. She made a thread in Sept of last year asking people to watch what they say in chat but she was cheerful in that thread too.

I'm guessing she ran into a bad apple tonight that managed to upset her really bad. If this is the case, I hope she comes back and reads this thread. I would love to help her. I'd gadly get her set up here in Nimrodel.

But her opening post leaves a lot of unanswered questions.

[The_Legacy]

But her opening post leaves a lot of unanswered questions.

^This...

There isn't much we can do, not even Devs and Mod's... There is to little information so that leaves us only to guess the story and well, how much you like it or not this post is just like every other 'I don't like LotrO anymore and I am leaving' post becouse of the lack of information.

So please come back, if you wan't us to help you or just give you a /pat on your head and feel sorry for you... Atleast I would wan't more information.

[PANZERBUNNY]

Stand up for yourself if it's just generic chat nonsense.

If it's harassment...GM's for sure.

Stand firm against the tides of trollkiddies!

[Crimsonrayne]

A lot of females are responding here...but I have doubt that her being female is the source of her issue. There are simply too many women who play this game. She is a kinleader...so it is possible that her issues are stemming from that, rather than simply being a woman. If the OP feels that her gender should cause people to pause before being rude, she needs to realize that is not the case. Being a female is not going to protect you from someone who desires to be a bully.

All I can say is that on my server, and in my kin, there are a great deal of female players and that this is the only MMO that I have ever been OK with my children playing.

The VAST majority of players in this game are good people. Sure, there are some rude ones...but the good ones tend to ostracize the bad apples to the point that they either /ragequit or change their tune in order to be accepted.

Fleder, she never said that the issue was gender based, simply that she was bullied off the game, so comparing her issue to that of an assault victim is pretty extreme and unnecessary. It is completely possible that she, or members of her kinship... did something to anger people, and retaliation occurred. She does not say what happened, so, unfortunately, none of us can say she is (or is not) a guiltless victim in this scenario.

[Kleinwulf]

Don't leave Lotro! Take a week or two off, and play some Mass Effect 3, then come back and change server to a more kind one. Changing servers can be tough if you have lots of friends in your kin (esp if you're the leader of your kin), and if the griefers are in your kin I'd give them a boot so fast they past Saturn on their way away from you.

If it was me being bullied I'd try to report anything reportable everytime this person/s started to behave badly.

In my 6 years of playing MMOs I've come across several boys/men not being able to keep their mouth shut about me being a this or that, and yes, it's been hurtful and I've felt liek never wanting to play the game anymore.
But the thing is, they don't know me. I couldn't really take it personal (personal as a female yes, but not personal in who I am), so I started to report them and I also had friends to back me up.

Don't listen to the trolls in this thread saying they don't belive you, and think it's your fault. Apperently they weren't there and they're suffering from a case of the U-R-a-hysterical-woman-syndrome (often cured with some /ignore and 10 more years to their age).

Hang in there, leave global and all other channels, and put the people on ignore.

[Nymphonic]

Almost 5 years ago someone posted in the forums that Turbine was sexist because there were more male quest givers than female and he(he was a guy) tried to launch a campaign to get more female quest givers. When females posted that it wasn't a big deal, he responded that they were timid and it was his responisibility to stand up for them. To this day I remember him getting ripped apart in his own thread by female players.

[cblues]

Wow this thread is possibly the most de-railed train I've ever seen in my life.

The TOPIC is so misleading that it suggests that Feant[1] and Leaving the game[2] are somehow related because she is female[3].

Way to create supreme drama where there is none.

Being FEMALE has nothing whatever to do with anything in this case.

[Crimsonrayne]

Almost 5 years ago someone posted in the forums that Turbine was sexist because there were more male quest givers than female and he(he was a guy) tried to launch a campaign to get more female quest givers. When females posted that it wasn't a big deal, he responded that they were timid and it was his responisibility to stand up for them. To this day I remember him getting ripped apart in his own thread by female players.

LOL ... sometimes guys can get it quite wrong I do think I vaguely remember that thread lol

[silverblade5445]

Almost 5 years ago someone posted in the forums that Turbine was sexist because there were more male quest givers than female and he(he was a guy) tried to launch a campaign to get more female quest givers. When females posted that it wasn't a big deal, he responded that they were timid and it was his responisibility to stand up for them. To this day I remember him getting ripped apart in his own thread by female players.

Hehe...wouldve been worth a read

[Lilka]

I'm quite a staunch feminist and have rarely had gender-related issues in the game. If it happens, report the fools and move on with your life. Don't let them win. Don't even engage with them.

[ImirielOfTheNorth]

Bullied off a video game you've been playing for several years?
Face it. Not everyone is going to be warm and fuzzy towards you. There are trolls, there are dicks, there are abusive players (I might consider myself among the troll category). This MMO is changing and you'll have to adapt to it or you'll be having a hell of a time.
So don't just blame the players, you need to strengthen your resolve and toughen up.

[Gwanwyn]

Oh stop it. Women nowadays are not the whiners like this Jennifer Helper. I know dozens of female players in different games who are able to defend themselves without calling out harassment.

Sorry, but I think you sir, are the sexist here...

I had never heard of this until now. I think its rather...diminishing to refer to this woman as a "whiner."

I think the sad thing is, there is still quite a lot of anger/hate directed at women. (And no, I do NOT believe "all men hate women" or anything like that..I have known too many good men to think in that way) I haven't really faced this in my personal life or really noticed/paid much attention to it, but it does creep up. At least I hadn't noticed it in Lotro. That is something else I love about this community. I haven't seen the rampant, odd...hate that I have seen in so many others. I really hope that doesn't change, or that it hasn't changed....

One thing that happened recently, in other game...some player started insulting a female NPC (in general chat) for not speaking to him for a quest....he was talking to the wrong one. This was met with comments like " Well, hit her to get what you want" and "I bet that's what she wants" Needless to say, those people went straight to ignore. On the bright side, of the 50+ people on..only 3 made comments.

I have no idea how/why the OP was harassed/bullied or if that is the sort of thing that drove her into leaving, or if any of this is even true.. but I do think think this brings up valid/important issues.

There are things that have been culturally accepted (especially in the gaming community) and that some consider to be funny. When it comes down to it...should it be? Should abuse (and derogatory name calling is abuse) be accepted? Tolerated? Given the current cultural climate, (not going to go into political detail) I do think these things need to be addressed so these things can be stopped before they spread.

There is only so much a person can do. You can ignore/report players but that only goes so far. If the environment shifts to allow/accept and tolerate abusive behavior, the only thing you really can do is leave.

I wish the OP well and hope everything turns out alright for her.

[Cebra]

Sorry to hear this.

I feel my server withywindle is very female friendly. My kin also has a large amount of women.
You could always try a new server.

Best of luck.

I'll restate what Birg has said, Withywindle has a decent female population with mostly well-mannered players. A third of our kin are female players across a large demographic and I know a number of players under the age of 15 too.

[Zombielord]

Why leave?

If you've experienced harassment, then write a ticket you'ed be surprised how fast they are dealing with such matters trust me.

Same thing happened to a female player in my former kinship: We ended up booting the little macho-wannabe and if nobody in the kin has the guts to stand up against such behaviour ... Leave and don't look back.

[Merilda]

As a female player and one who has lead guilds, it doesn't matter what your gender is, bad manners and unnecessary rudeness is inexcusable.

We don't know both sides of the story, there are always two sides and more if other people get involved with their own agendas.

Coming to the forums and throwing around random accusations isn't the best way to deal with a particular incident, however, I can understand and even empathise with someone who does. Sometimes the situation can get so unpleasant that posting a rage thread seems a good idea at the time!

OP, it's your leisure time and if you are no longer enjoying it and finding kin leadership too much like hard work, then move on. If you really enjoy the game itself, then a server move with a name change is one solution. Liberal use of your /addignore command is another, along with a ticket.

I hope things sort themselves out for you and your in game friends offer you their support. Bullying and harrassment, regardless of who instigates it, is just as wrong in game as it is in RL.

[Beleg-Of-Doriath]

Given the options available - ignore, report, server transfer - I fail to see how anyone could be 'bullied off the game'.

Almost 5 years ago someone posted in the forums that Turbine was sexist because there were more male quest givers than female and he(he was a guy) tried to launch a campaign to get more female quest givers. When females posted that it wasn't a big deal, he responded that they were timid and it was his responisibility to stand up for them. To this day I remember him getting ripped apart in his own thread by female players.

Think that thread was more like 2.5-3 years ago.

[Thorgrum]

Stand up for yourself if it's just generic chat nonsense.

If it's harassment...GM's for sure.

Stand firm against the tides of trollkiddies!

This.

The anonimity of the web breeds false courage particularly for the immature. Not only should you not quit and come back, you should endevor to do everything you can to make sure those people who caused you grief are punished in the most extreme way allowable.

Forgiveness is over rated, do everything you can to get them permanently banned.