Lines that would have changed LOTR forever...

[Grumpisaw]

Lets say Tolkein had some strange foresight, and decided to shorten his awesome books to suit the short attention-spanned people of the 21st century...

They would go something like this: Once there was this short, hairy footed creature that took an all-powerful ring and threw it into a volcano. The end.

[Nymphonic]

<Saruman pours black powder into jar>

Grima: How? How can fire undo stone? What kind of device-

<Drops candle>

ROFL!!! Good one!

[lioheart]

From the movie:

Blackgates scene:

Aragorn: "For Frodo." *charges at 10,000 orcs*
*no one followed*

Frodo/Sam vs Gollum scene in Mt.Doom:
Sam: "Reach Mr.Frodo! Reach!"
*Frodo reached* *bloody hand slipped*
Sam: "Opps, butter fingers."

Boromir confronting Frodo for the ring scene in the books/movie: (not sure if already said)
Boromir: "Give me the ring!"
Frodo: "Okay! Take it!"

[YamydeAragon]

Luthien sing
Beren listen the beautyfull voice of the elf maiden. He aproach her.
Luthien: "Eww a monkey man! & you stink like a beast! Do you live with the animals? Haven't you shower in months?"
Beren walks away with a sad face.

[Al.]

And so the the remaining Nazgul survived the fire of Mount Doom and went to have peaceful lives far away from gondor, waiting for "better times"

[RDBurn]

<Gollum swimming in The Forbidden Pool>
Faramir: Shall I shoot?
Frodo: N-
Sam: Yes!!!
<Archers shoot arrows at Gollum>
Frodo: Well, I can't say i'm too unhappy about that...

<Later at Mt. Doom>
Frodo: I claim the ring for myself.
Sam: I can't throw it for you, but I can throw you!
<Pushes Frodo into the fire>

<Later back at the Shire>
Bilbo: Have you seen Frodo? I was hoping to hold my old ring one last time.
Sam: Sorry Bilbo...I'm afraid I lost him.

[Melunielsigh]

From Return of the King...


,Aragorn sees the last beacon lit, and runs into the Golden Hall.]

Aragorn: "The Beacons of Minas Tirith! The Beacons are lit!

Aragorn: "Gondor calls for aid!"

Théoden: "And Rohan will >>>> NOT <<<< answer."

Later....

Battle at Pelenor fields...


Witch king of Angmar kills Gandalf the White since he is not interrupted by inc force of Rohan.

Huge morale impact on Gondors army and lack of 6000 Rohan riders + heroes would mark definite end to Minas Tirith.

Before Aragorn comes with Army of dead only 3 living heroes against force of Mumakils , Witch king and most of his remaning army , they would not stand a chance.

Army of dead wouldnt have any effect since Witch king is on battle field.

Outcome:

Minas Tirith conquered , most of free people are dead and capured. Aragon dead defo. Legolas has a chance of escaping , Gimili will fight to death , he is stubborn.

Pipin possibly captured.

Frodo and Sam would die sooner or later..

Sauroun conquers all of Middle-Earth.. Remaining Elves flee , Dwarves are last to die ....

End

[Ioralor]

In a hole in the mountain, there lived a dwarf. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a dwarf-hole, and that means mithril.

It had a perfectly hidden door, indistinguishable from the rock wall, with an ornate doorway visible only in moonlight. The door opened, when the appropriate password was spoke, to a very large square hall: a very comfortable square hall without smoke, with marble walls, and floors tiled, provided with ornate carvings, and lots and lots of mithril - the dwarf was fond of mithril. The hall wound on and on, going fairly but not quite straight into the side of the mountain – The Mountain, as all the people for many miles round called it – and many corridors opened out of it, first on one side and then on another. No going upstairs for the dwarf: bedrooms, bathrooms, cellars, pantries, wardrobes, kitchens, dining-rooms, all were on the same floor or the few below it, and indeed many on the same passage. The best rooms were all on the left-hand side (going in), for these were the only ones lit by a bright vein of mithril running along the one wall.

This dwarf was a very well-to-do dwarf, and his name was Boggins.


etc., etc., etc.

[BillyBeard]

*Boromir laying dead*

Aragorn: I wish I could have helped you my friend, but I had some probs with this new skill tree.

[Rufus_T_Fyrfly]

A chapter devoted to Tom Bombadil learning how to twerk.
"Hey dol! Merry dol! I'm came in like a wreaking ball!!!

[EddieMuerto]

In a hole in the ground there lived a goblin. A nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, dry, bare, a sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a goblin-hole, and that means nasty.

This is in my opinion the very best.

[RKL]

And so Sauron, biding his time in the security of his closely guarded land, was able to complete his heavy water experiments. And with the use of his flying Nazguls as delivery mechanisms, was able to capture the world.

[Nymphonic]

Gandalf: " Frodo, the ring cannot stay here in the Shire."

Frodo: "You're right". *after Gandalf leaves, he mails the ring to Sauron so he can stay at Bag End*

[bambubambubambu]

Gandalf : 'You cannot pass!'

Durin's Bane: *ppppppbbbbbbttttt*

Gandalf: 'That's not what I meant!'

<KA-BOOM>

--Later--

Elves from Lothlorien examine the cave-in...

Elf 1: 'What do you think caused this? No one is coming out of Moria from that gate for awhile.'

Elf 2: 'And what is that stench? Smells like a Balrog broke wind.'

[EddieMuerto]

Deep down in 'Old Forest close to Withywindle
way back up in the woods among the water-lilies
There stood a log cabin with the door ajar
where lived a merry fellow named Iarwain Ben-adar
Who never leaved his bounds or explained so well
But he could sing his songs like ringing a bell

Go Go
Go Tommy Go Go Go
Go Tommy Go Go Go
Go Tommy Go Go Go
Go Tommy Go Go Go
Ohh Tom Bombadil

---

/With part credit to Chuck and John

[Widoch]

So, after a good long while bound by a chain, Melkor comes out...

"I've changed!! I'm a good boy! I'll never do all those bad things again!?"


(Manwe raises a suspicious eyebrow.)

"Riiiiiiiiight.....



...nope, back you go. He's all your Mandos"

[RDBurn]

<Saruman pours black powder into jar>

Grima: How? How can fire undo stone? What kind of device-

<Drops candle>

I've turned it into a video (I added it into the first few seconds)!

[Blodwedd]

Frodo: Smeagol Sauron Baggins, you were named after the two bravest men I knew.

[Nymphonic]

Frodo: Smeagol Sauron Baggins, you were named after the two bravest men I knew.

ROFL!!! Harry Potter reference!

[bambubambubambu]

Suddenly, the assault on Helm's Deep ceased. All went still. The defenders kept their guard, but the rest of the night passed with no further attack.

The next morning rose with no orc to be seen. Scouts were sent out, and shortly returned.

'My Lord Theoden! The orcs have vanished! But they left us a giant statue of a horse!'

'A horse? I love horses! A giant horse is even better! Well, bring it in! What could possibly go wrong?'

[ancalima]

Gandalf: [after sipping a little too much Miruvor, drunkenly to the Balrog] You cannae pass, ye ######!
[Balrog starts crying and runs away]
Gandalf: [to the Fellowship, who are staring awkwardly] Fly, you fools!

[TKH]

The stories would have change LOTR forever if the one who designed the cover of "The Return of the King" had made a minor typo and turned it into "The Return of The Ring".

[bambubambubambu]

Gandalf: 'Alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! You see this? This is my...boomstick!'

[Nymphonic]

Frodo at the Black Gate: "Screw this I'm going home! Gollum, take the damn ring!"

[myfreezr2]

Ungoliant: Morgoth, give me what's in your left hand now!

Morgoth: *shrugs* Ok.


Bingo: Look, I'm swimming!

Nearby Hobbit: It looks more like your sinking to me.

Bingo: Huh? *drowns*


Niniel: Mom, I'm coming with you to find Turin!

Morwen: No you're not you're going home!

Niniel: *shrugs* Fine....